Friday, June 20, 2008

Just when you think you can't go on...

In 2005, most of our family and friends thought we were crazy to move to our "now" home of Aguanga... It's a rural little town about 30 miles east of Temecula with only about 5,000 people.
We sold our house in Temecula, put all of our belongings into storage and headed off to a place of unknown and what we'd soon realize to be HOME. In the meantime, 7...yes count us...7 people and one chihuahua named Pedro all loaded into a 29ft. 5th wheel trailer and called it home (well, I called it hell) for 11 months while we built our dream home... I truly should have been on some type of "meds" during that little adventure!!! While everyone headed off to work or school everyday, I was left in that tiny trailer with 2 small kids and Pedro for days, and days and days... with no privacy, no where to escape to just be alone. I couldn't wait for the weekends, when I would "run away" to my moms or to the store or ANYWHERE I could just get away.

Skip ahead 11 months...we finally moved into our "dream home". It was what we had waited so long for. We were happy, we were still married, all children were still alive and accounted for and I was once again sane!!! Even Pedro was happy to finally have a yard to run and play in!
When we got to the end of our "little adventure", and it was time to "sign on the dotted line"...we were sucked into what ten million others were also trapped by... Homes that were too expensive and no where to turn but to sign on that dotted line. The builder had all of our money from our previous home, there was no backing out. We had no choice but to do "creative" financing and with the banks so ready to loan us huge amounts of money in order to get this home, we foolishly believed that we actually could afford it!!! Hey, if a bank is willing to believe that we can make the payment, then maybe we actually can!? With a $4000 mo. house payment... we knew it would eventually catch up to us and we hoped that the market would stay strong enough to re-finance later on to get out.... no such luck. So, two years after moving into our home we are feeling like we can't breathe each month....praying that nothing will go wrong and leave us wondering how we'll fill the gas tank, buy the groceries, or even just get by to the next paycheck?
We finally decided after many tears, and stomachaches that it was time to "let the house go".
It was a heartbreaking decision...but one that actually left me feeling peace and relief knowing that we were "starting over". We looked for weeks for a place to "call home"... talking to builders, looking at rentals and still not knowing what or where we would end up? We had looked at a rental that was going to be ok for the next few years till we got back on our feet....but something told us that we needed to "wait" and look into a few more options... later on that night we were going to a friend's house for dinner. My husband came out and said, "well, it's a done deal"... he had stopped all payments on the house....we truly were going to walk away from our home...there was no turning back. I was so sad that whole night. It really hit me that we were really doing this! But something so profound happened that it completely changed how I look at this. Six months earlier we had bought 4 flowering bushes that have vibrant red flowers....we planted them and they never bloomed. No matter how much I watered or not watered or fertilized, they never're asking what the bushes have to do with this?
The morning after my husband had told me the news of stopping payment on our house...I walked outside to leave for work, I looked over at the bushes like I always do, and all of them were in full bloom!!!! It absolutely brought me to tears...not sad tears but tears of joy....of hope...right at that moment I KNEW that we were going to be just fine...'A NEW BEGINNING"